Welcome to the Age of WHO CARES.

At some point, something changes.

You stop walking into a room wondering what everyone else thinks of you.

You stop asking whether you're too old to wear something.

You stop wondering whether people will think it's weird if you go somewhere by yourself.

You stop needing everyone to understand your choices.

And one day you hear yourself say two glorious little words:

Who cares?

Welcome. You've officially entered the Age of Who Cares.

And you should've gotten here sooner.

It Doesn't Mean You Don't Care

Let's get something straight.

The Age of Who Cares isn't about becoming selfish, inconsiderate, or completely oblivious to the people around you.

You still care about your family. Your friends. Your work. Your health. Your responsibilities. The people you love.

You just become a whole lot more selective about what deserves your energy.

Someone doesn't like your hair?

Who cares?

Someone thinks you're too old to wear that?

Who cares?

Someone thinks your vacation sounds exhausting?

Excellent. They don't have to come.

That's the difference.

You're not trying to convince them anymore.

How Much Time Have We Wasted Worrying About Other People's Opinions?

Think about how many decisions you've made while considering what somebody else might think.

Not even what they actually think.

What they might think.

Will people think I'm trying too hard?

Will I look ridiculous?

Am I too old for this?

What if I go by myself?

What if nobody else wants to do it?

What if everyone else is younger than me?

What if I look stupid?

Here's the question we don't ask nearly enough:

What if you do it anyway?

Most people aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you imagine they are.

They're busy thinking about themselves.

And the handful who really are sitting around judging your haircut, your clothes, your vacation, your hobbies, or how you're living your life?

They sound like they need a hobby.

Maybe We Were Just Trying to Belong

But I think there's another part of this that goes deeper than worrying about what other people think.

Sometimes we aren't afraid of being judged.

We're afraid of not belonging.

When we're younger, belonging can feel incredibly important.

Everybody's going, so you go.

Everybody's staying, so you stay.

Everybody wants to do the same thing, so that's what you're doing too.

And if you don't?

Someone might get their feelings hurt.

Someone might wonder what's wrong.

Someone might think you don't want to be part of the group.

So you go along with things you don't particularly want to do because being part of the group feels more important than doing what you actually want.

I didn't really think about how much that changes until a recent trip to Costa Rica.

I traveled with a group of people around my age, and one of my favorite things about the entire trip had nothing to do with Costa Rica.

Nobody cared what anybody else did.

And I mean that in the best possible way.

If we were all going out to dinner and somebody wanted to stay back at the house, they stayed.

Nobody begged them to come.

Nobody got offended.

Nobody wondered whether they were mad.

Nobody made it into a thing.

You wanted to stay home? Great. See you later.

You wanted to go? Great. Let's go.

Everybody was allowed to have the vacation they wanted to have.

And nobody had to prove that they belonged.

That's when it really hit me.

Belonging doesn't require participating in everything.

The right people don't need you at every dinner, every excursion, every party, or every activity to know that you're part of the group.

And you don't need that from them either.

You can love people and still want different things.

You can travel together without spending every waking minute together.

You can say, "That's not for me, but you guys have fun," without it becoming a referendum on the friendship.

Maybe that's one of the best things about getting older.

Your peace becomes more important than trying to fit in.

You stop performing belonging.

You just belong.

Stop Asking If You're Too Old!

I would love to permanently retire the question:

"Am I too old to...?"

Too old to wear shorts?

Too old for long hair?

Too old to go to a music festival?

Too old to learn something new?

Too old to travel somewhere you've always wanted to go?

Too old to walk into a beach club and order yourself a drink?

According to whom?

There is no committee somewhere issuing age-appropriate activity permits.

If you like it, wear it.

If you want to learn it, learn it.

If you want to go, GO.

Your age is information.

It is not an instruction manual.

Apparently Europe Didn't Get the Age Memo

I had another version of this realization on a completely different trip.

We went to the Netherlands and spent a couple days at a beach music festival.

And do you know what nobody seemed particularly interested in?

How old I was.

Nobody cared that I was 55 and at a music festival.

Nobody looked at me like I'd wandered into the wrong place.

Nobody seemed to be mentally sorting everyone into who was young enough to be there and who wasn't.

There were festival-goers far older than I. But they didn’t seem to worry either about how they looked to others.

We were all there because we wanted to listen to music, have some drinks, dance, and have a good time.

That was enough.

I noticed the same thing going out in Amsterdam.

There seemed to be much less of this idea that certain places or experiences belonged to a particular age group.

And it made me think about how much we do that in the United States.

We put ages on things that don't actually have an age.

At some point you're supposedly too old for the club.

Too old for the music festival.

Too old for certain clothes.

Too old to stay out late.

Too old to start something new.

Too old to be the person you've always been because apparently you're now supposed to start acting your age.

Whatever that means.

I'm not saying ageism doesn't exist in Europe. Of course it does.

But my experience there made me realize how much of the judgment I had come to expect wasn't inevitable.

There are places where nobody cares.

There are groups of people who don't care.

There are friends who don't care.

There are entire rooms full of people who aren't wondering whether you're too old to be there.

And maybe the goal isn't to spend the rest of your life trying to convince the people who think you don't belong.

Maybe the goal is to stop giving their opinion so much power.

Stop Waiting for Someone to Go With You

And once you stop needing to fit in, something else gets easier.

You stop waiting for everybody else.

How many things do people never do because they can't find somebody who wants to do them too?

Nobody wants to take the trip.

Nobody wants to see the concert.

Nobody wants to try the restaurant.

Nobody wants to take the class.

Nobody wants to go to the event.

So you don't go either.

Why??

There are certainly things that are more fun when they're shared with people you love. But there is a big difference between wanting company and requiring company before you'll allow yourself to have an experience.

You are allowed to go without an entourage.

You are allowed to sit at the bar by yourself.

You are allowed to book the ticket.

You are allowed to be the only person in your group who wants to do something.

And yes, the first time might feel uncomfortable.

Do it uncomfortable.

Fear Gets a Vote. It Doesn't Get Veto Power.

I know something about letting fear make decisions.

There was a period of my life when I was afraid to fly.

And I don't mean I disliked turbulence and gripped the armrest during takeoff.

I mean I didn't fly for ten years.

Ten years of allowing fear to determine where I could go.

Today, travel is one of the things I love most.

I didn't magically become a different person. I didn't wake up one morning without fear.

I eventually decided fear couldn't keep making the decisions.

That's a big part of the Age of Who Cares too.

Sometimes the person whose opinion is holding you back isn't somebody else.

It's you.

It's the voice telling you that you can't do it, you'll look stupid, you'll be uncomfortable, you're too old, it's too late, or you've never done anything like this before.

That voice can come along.

It just doesn't get to drive.

You Don't Need Permission

You don't need permission to change your hair.

You don't need permission to change careers.

You don't need permission to travel differently than your friends do.

You don't need permission to spend your money on something that matters to you.

You don't need permission to stop doing something you've always done.

And you definitely don't need permission to become a different version of yourself simply because people have gotten comfortable with the old one.

People may have opinions.

Let them.

Someone else's opinion about your life does not automatically become your responsibility.

And neither does someone else's disappointment that you didn't make the choice they wanted you to make.

But Here's the Other Side of It

There's something else I've realized.

If I want the freedom to be exactly who I am, I have to give that freedom to everybody else too.

Find the people who let you skip dinner in Costa Rica without taking it personally.

Go to the music festival where nobody cares that you're 55.

Surround yourself with people who don't require you to prove that you belong.

But then return the favor.

Don't judge the 70-year-old dancing next to you.

Don't pressure your friend who wants to stay home.

Don't make someone feel guilty because they don't want to do what you want to do.

Don't decide what somebody else is too old to wear, try, learn, or experience.

Let people be who they are.

Let them want what they want.

Let them change their minds.

Let them stay home.

Let them come along.

Maybe that's part of getting here too.

You stop demanding that other people fit into your version of who they're supposed to be because you've finally stopped allowing them to do it to you.

Here's the Best Part

The Age of Who Cares isn't about becoming fearless.

And it isn't about becoming someone who doesn't care about other people.

It's about finally knowing the difference between caring about people and living for their approval.

It's realizing that being afraid of what people think is a terrible reason to miss your own life.

It's realizing you don't have to do everything everybody else is doing just to prove you belong.

It's realizing that the people who truly belong in your life don't require you to make yourself uncomfortable to keep them comfortable.

So wear the thing.

Take the picture.

Go to the restaurant.

Book the trip.

Learn the skill.

Change your mind.

Say no.

Say yes.

Stay back at the house while everybody else goes to dinner.

Go to dinner while everybody else stays back at the house.

Go to the club.

Go to the music festival.

Go alone if you have to.

You don't need everybody to understand it.

You don't even need everybody to like it.

Because eventually you realize something that would've saved all of us a ridiculous amount of time if we'd figured it out earlier:

This is your life. You're the one who actually has to live it.

Your peace matters.

What you want matters.

And belonging should never require you to stop being yourself.

There are people out there who don't care about all these ridiculous rules.

Find them.

And then become one of them.

Welcome to the Age of Who Cares.

You should've gotten here sooner.

BRB 🐝